Get to know the Gotei 13
by yuki-kami
Summary: Get to know the Gotei 13! think you know you have no idea! Rated t for language and graphic content.warning:bashing simple opinions and views on the gotei 13. anti hitsuhina
1. Chapter 1

Get to know The Gotei 13.

1st division –Yamamoto-Genryusai: the commander of all the captains and ranked officers (even the un-ranked ones) [he pwns bitches

In Truth: he's is like your old and ancient grandfather with his old sayings that you simply have to listen to, so you can get his fortune when he croaks.

Vice-captain –no body cares or knows about him. [What was his name again????(Name: Chojiro sasakibe) not much to say about him but, we know that there is at least one bleach member without a fan club. Let's have a moment of silence for his worthless-ness.


	2. Chapter 2

This story is a mixture of facts and opinions so don't take the stuff that I say personally.

Disclaimer: I forgot to do this in the last chapter. You think I own bleach (sticks hands out) then pay me!

Get to know The Gotei 13. 2nd division.

Soi Fon- Respected Captain of the second division. She specializes in **Shunpo and hand-to-hand combat.**

**  
**

**In reality: she is an obsessive-compulsive cat love [especially black ones! she has a super cool hairstyle. And her temper matches her height super short!**

**[Victim of being portrayed as a lesbian**

**Vice-captain- Omaeda**

**He isn't very respected in ****any**** kind of way [wonder how he became a vice captain because he has no skills. he is fat. Ugly. And can always be seen with some damn food in his hand. [He needs to call jenny he isn't very heroic we will see how long he last during the war (not very long.) it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't have a fan club. There is no wonder in my mind why his captain insists on kicking his ass so much I don't blame her. [Did I mention his whole fucking family is ugly?**


	3. Chapter 3

This story is a mixture of facts and opinions so don't take the stuff that I say personally.

Disclaimer: You think I own bleach (sticks hands out) then pay me!

Get to know The Gotei 13. 3rd division. [Victims of yaoi.

Ichimaru Gin – captain of the third division [he's the long lost brother of orochimaru

Truth about gin: gin is quiet creepy with his Freak- you –out-smile. He also has weird sense of humor and just can't be trusted. One word to describe gin: bastard [a back-stabbing one too! warning can't be trusted with peoples hearts (did you see what he did to matsumoto and kira? Want that to happen to you?)[Did I mention he has a funny way of talking?

Vice-captain- kira's truth:

Loyal vice-captain with a good reputation. [Maybe a little to loyal he may look like a girl and some suspect he's gender confused [he's not kira is an all out good guy (or girl)

[We should pity him since I suspect that his captain molested him no his captain isn't Michael Jackson, but his name rhymes with orochimaru(Family tree: Michael Jackson (grandpa), orochimaru (dad), ichimaru (son).)


	4. Chapter 4

This story is a mixture of facts and opinions so don't take the stuff that I say personally.

Disclaimer: You think I own bleach (sticks hands out) then pay me!

Get to know The Gotei 13. 4th division.

Let's get to know Retsu! captain of the fourth division. She has a great motherly apperance, but don't let that fool you she'll open a can of whoop-ass on you.

Warning: Do not; I repeat do not insult her division when she is around. You will be released to a can of whoop-ass, Blackmail, and one of the scariest smiles you'll ever see (probably the last one you'll see if you insult her) [even zaraki couldn't pull off that smile[Often portrayed as a lesbian sometimes paired with Zaraki and isane kotetsu.

Lets meet…[damn what's her name? she really isn't all that important. Isane kotetsu? She seems very nice. Doesn't get a large role in the anime/manga. Needs a new hairstylist. Looks like a man. Needs some back bone (often portrayed as a lesbian)?


	5. Chapter 5

This story is a mixture of facts and opinions so don't take the stuff that I say personally.

Disclaimer: You think I own bleach (sticks hands out) then pay me! I have already written chapters 1-7 chapters 8-13 are in progress. Maybe spoilers.

Get to know The Gotei 13. 5th division.

Yuki-kami is proud to present the award winner of bastard of the year award. Sosuke Aizen! His works: betrays soul society, pwns everybody, kills bitches, tries to kill bitches (but failed miserably twice.) is the true meaning of ' don't judge a book by it's cover cause it might come back and bite you in the ass!' has. His.own.fucking.army. [Did I mention that he is a cold hearted bastard? Maybe he is related to sasuke (naruto)

Vice-captain: (un) fortunately the fifth division is a real winner ((not.)) and Hinamori wins the award for Most Stupid Bitch In An Anime Series. (Would a real friend try to kill you?)

She.Must.Die!!!


	6. Chapter 6

This story is a mixture of facts and opinions so don't take the stuff that I say personally.

Disclaimer: You think I own bleach (sticks hands out) then pay me! I have already written chapters 1-7 chapters 8-13 are in progress. Maybe spoilers.

Get to know The Gotei 13. 6th division.

Captain –Byakuya kuchiki

He is sexy with his I-am-better-than-you personality. He wears hair curlers. Has a cool scarf that pwns everybody else's .has been married once with no kids. Head of his clan.  
[He is so badass that his clothes pwn other peoples clothes.

[Victim of yaoi with his vice captain!

Vice-captain

Renji Abarai: victim of yaoi with his captain. Has hot and sexy red hair. Hot and sexy tattoos all over his body.

[Victim of crack fics. and crack pairings often paired with his captain and rukia.


	7. Chapter 7

This story is a mixture of facts and opinions so don't take the stuff that I say personally.

Disclaimer: You think I own bleach (sticks hands out) then pay me! I have already written chapters 1-7 chapters 8-13 are in progress. Maybe spoilers.

Get to know The Gotei 13. 7th division [the division nobody cares about

A doggy's tale: Sajin Komamura has low self-esteem. Picks the wrong friends. The only animal like captain in the Gotei 13. [I wonder where his division lies on the weaker scale

Dog's best friend: Tetsuzaemon Iba

Old member of the 11th division his current captain is a wolf/doggy. [Who's serving who now-a-days?

Not much to say about this division.


	8. Chapter 8

This story is a mixture of facts and opinions so don't take the stuff that I say personally.

Disclaimer: You think I own bleach (sticks hands out) then pay me! I guess. This isn't a real fanfic it's more of my opinion. I am sorry if any of my views or opinions has hurt your feelings. I apologize. Chapters 9-13 I'm working on it. Thanks for the great reviews and the not so great ones.. I still appreciate it!

Shunshi Kyoraku- captain of the 8th division. [A lazy captain. He can always be seen asleep or drunk sometimes a combination of both. Hates to do work and loves to hang out with friends and party. Has a crush on his vice –captain Nanao Ise (Nanao-chan).

Nanao Ise [nanao-chan strict vice-captain of the 8th division that disciplines her lazy captain with her fan. (Did I mention that she looks good doing it???? I mean she is one of those very few vice-captains with good fashion sense.)

Even though we know very little about his division we know that it still kick ass!!!!

Go 8th division!!!!


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks for the reviews! It really keeps me inspired. For the record I'm a girl and I'm NOT obsessed over hitsugaya I just know the difference from right and wrong. I would never try to kill my best friend (unless she pulls my ponytail then she's dead) I forgave her the first time. But the second time I just had enough (I wanted to kill that bitch)

Chapters: 10-13 will be up by the end of this week, maybe today (if I wake up early enough.)[When you get a chance check out my profile page and click on my home page Ulquiorra fans.

Tosen[the blind person [even though he is visually impaired doesn't stop him from getting his assed kicked (courtesy of kenpachi) and betraying his friends.

[What a way to tell someone you love them. 'By the way I'm leaving you for world domination.' (He is another victim of yaio. damn you yaio)

Shuhei Hisagi- A fatal victim of yaio. Vice-captain on the 9th division. [Blah blah blah…just take your shirt of already!!! Lets face it people Shuhei makes the 9th division look hot (I see you fangils and…fanboys????) [Would you really want to do all that work your captain left behind?? Lets give him his props for staying sane (poor kira, poor (not so poor) hinamori)


	10. Chapter 10

I wanted to say sorry for the delay, but I have school now and it's very hard balancing school and my hobbies. No worries though I'm going to continue this story and even make a sequel coming soon! Thank you all my reviewers it really keeps me motivated!

Spoiler WARNING!!!!!!!

10th division (the division of fantasy and humor.)

Captain Hitsugaya Toshiro- victim of crazy fan girls (and fan boys fantasies)

Even though the innocent and sexy hitsugaya **is** a victim of yaio and often paired with ichigo and gin doesn't stop him from kicking ass and pwning bitches with his (overly used) bankai. Aside from yaio pairings he is paired with hinamori she. Must. **DIE. Sorry hinamori fans but she pisses me off.** Hitsugaya is also paired with Karin

Woot! Proud supporter of this pairing., Matsumoto (love this pairing) Note; Hitsugaya Dose Not like being called short!!! I repeat never ever call him short; also NEVER portray him as a weak and or elementary student! If you ignore these warnings don't come crying to me when you have to un-freeze your ass! (True story)

Hitsugaya has a kick ass sword, a badass hairstyle, and a lazy vice-captain.

_(SPOILER WARNING)_ even though in the next bleach movie that comes out in 2008(12.22.08) hitsugaya is being sentenced to death we all pray that he doesn't (because he pwns bitches and lot's of fan girls and fan boys will be angry!!!!! (Yes angry enough to kill) didn't you love the fight with him and luppi??? It was badass!

Matsumoto- vice captain of the 10th division. (She can always bee seen never doing any work unless you count drinking and sleeping.) but that's why we love her **Right???**

In her spare time she loves to tease her captain, sleeping, drinking and partying on the job. _(Spoiler Warning)_ in the bleach she is about the only one who believes that her captain is innocent (this is an example of a GOOD friend not one that tries to kill you, but one who is loyal) she is or was best friends with Gin (why? I don't know) did I mention that she always finds some way to bring up her chest in a conversation? Is a victim of many men and lesbians fantasies (you pervs!!!)

10th division pwns bitches!!!!!

p.s.-i'm sorry if i spelled anything wrong!


	11. Chapter 11

Since I've made you wait so long I'm going to give you 2 chapters!!

Also if you have any suggestions for chapter 12 please let me know.

11th division

11th division is so badass that they don't even need an introduction!

**But, if they needed one it would be something like this**_ 11th division that causes pain. ((So remember that when you decide you want to wonder around the Gotei 13.))_

_Zaraki kenpachi, Zaraki kenpachi_** ((a man I respect so much to say his name twice))**.

Zaraki may not know his sword's name, but that doesn't stop him from kicking bitches asses. I am proud to say that zaraki is one of my favorite bleach characters. He is one of those captains who have his morals in order! If I had to join a division it would be the 11th (who doesn't love to fight and pwn bitches??) even though he may not seem as one of the saner captains I believe that zaraki has great leadership skills and moral standards. (To live life or after life to the fullest.)

Yachiru or YaChIrU

The violent seed of chuckie that is the vice-captain of the 11th she may seem innocent, but you will sadly be mistaken when you meet her. She will pull, bite, or try in any possible way to annoy you. She is the definition of " the cute and the not so cute" even though her crazy antics can/will drive you up the wall you've got to love her (not that ken-Chan will hurt you, but she might do so herself and you don't want that to happen.) if you want to get the monkey (yachiru) off your back just do what byakuya dose and give her candy!

You have now exited the 11th division ((I didn't expect you to make it out alive))

11th division the strongest division out there!

Sorry if I spelled anything wrong!


	12. LAAN

Long Ass Authors note.

I know I've been gone a very long time, but Yes I am going to continue this story.

I've mainly been gone so long because I have to baby-sit and take care of my brother and sister. I also have school and it's about to end so that just mends I'm spending all my time writing stories and watching anime. So all you people against this story get ready to flame your ass off because I honestly don't give fuck. (How you doing?)

I had to read my story and I laughed my ass of and then I asked myself why can't I write this good for my honor's class? I came up with 'honors fucking sucks and this is creative writing. So hopefully I've gotten better at writing and recovered my wittiness. [Insert smiley face here


	13. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: if you think I own bleach, please take a good guess on who's the dumb ass here. SPOILERS: the spoilers for you and me are completely different so are careful.

This chapter is dedicated to fan chick 111 for her words of encouragement.

12th division (one of my favorite divisions)

I think I take a liking to the twelfth division because I love commuters, reaserch, and the concept of doing experiments on human being (can you say cruel and unusal punishment?)

Mayuri kurotsuchi BAD ASS why? Yes he may be creepy and makes you wonder if Michael Jackson will rip of his mask at any time, but I get that with half the bleach cast.

When the captains just show up out of nowhere and save ichigo and crew I was so happy.

Mayuri totally pawns Szayel.

Yes Mayuri may look creepy with the mask but with out it he is one hot badass captain.

Lets just say don't fuck with him because It will come and bite you back in the ass.

(Don't get me wrong Mayuri is an ass-whole bug eyed freak no matter how much I like/respect him)

Nemu Kurotsuchi- we have to give Nemu her props is the daughter of Mayuri (god be with her). Just when you think she's suffered enough she's his lieutenant. (This is enough to make a normal person jump off a roof.) If you think about all that plus all the abuse she has endured through battle she deserves a little bit of respect. (More than that a lot)

12th division a division that makes you scared to walk around soul society alone. (Be very careful or you won't make it out in one piece.) It's a division that'll make you think twice, but they try there hardest to do their jobs so the 12th is deserving of their props.


End file.
